Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Defining Self

Today I tendered my resignation and not a single member of management asked me to reconsider. I became more and more devastated as the day wore on and as I drove home. The thing about a long drive home is that it gives you time to think. I called dh and my sis and neither seemed sympathetic to my plight. I felt lost.

I sat outside after taking some watermelon to the chickens and gently was reminded of God's love. In that moment I realised that I had allowed myself (and by extension my self worth) to be defined by my job and almost completely the body of work I have done to this point. That they (management) seemed to reject it (me) and that I would no longer be there was a total blow to my ego and self esteem.

My dh had had a really tough time walking away from Wal-Mart and I didn't get it. Today I got it. Today I realised that I am happy to define my self by much higher standards than a paycheck or a single job. The work I do as a wife and mother are more lasting and rewarding than I could ever find anywhere else.

The work we do on our farm is more important to our growth spiritually and emotionally. In the year that we have been here we have all grown closer to each other and to God. It's not glamorous as being a Tax Analyst but I've never been the glamorous type anyhow. ;) I don't know what comes next and I'm excited to find out.

I am/was good at what I did, but I will be better being more than just that job. I don't need a fancy title to have value, I don't need a huge paycheck to have worth. Things will be tough and money will be tight and we will be happy working and being together. Thank you all for your continued prayers for our family.

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Kathleen said...

Amen Janelle. You are so worth more than any job.....your children totally agree. I pray the financial difficulties will be a minimum.

Katidids said...

I know the feeling...but I've learned every person in a "jpb" is replace able..and possibly cheaper. I think you will be so much happier at home & the family will be also. Look how much more you can get done! Wish we were closer in location!

Katidids said...

Just had to let you know my security word was "exhale"...such a God thing!

Kansas Mom said...

We'll be praying for you! It's so much nicer to work for God, your family and yourself than for a company.

Tracy said...

It will be so nice for you to be able to concentrate on family and farm for awhile. It is hard to cut strings to other friends and co-workers, but I pray you will be much happier (even if poorer) this way. Are you going to continue doing personal or business tax work on the side from home?