Monday, July 21, 2008

Looking back to look forward

While I've always known I wanted to be a mom, it was quite a shock to my senses when I realised that I would rather be a housewife, living on a farm. By all accounts farm life is hard and I've always had an aversion to hard work. Though I have been known to enjoy domestic activities as a kid, that didn't carry into my adult life. By the time I got to college I was far more concerned about what to wear than what to cook. Fortunately I didn't have to think too much about that as I had a nanny/housekeeper as I was a single mom. That experience taught me that I don't want other people "raising" my kids. It seems nice and it affords a lot of freedom but there are so many other variables that are not necessarily positive.

The first lady (the pincher) didn't have children of her own but had looked after her nieces and nephews. My dad had known her for sometime and felt comfortable having her watch his only grandchild. She was pleasant and mild manner but a complete neat freak to the point that she didn't like my son to play with this toys. So she'd pinch him, I was usually at class or work so I hadn't really noticed and he was too young to really know any different. It became obvious however when I was on break and I noticed that he'd go into a cleaning tizzy and that he was prone to pinching. I became very curious and started to really watch the interaction between them and that's when I say it happen. She was not going to be watching my kid after that to say the least.

Attempt number 2 was not a neat freak, did not pinch and had children of her own, yay!! Coming from a country with a high literacy rate I never even considered the possibility that she was illiterate. My baby was a year at this point and I wanted him to have the benefit of bedtime stories and general little mental stimulation. It was clear however that the closest thing she would be able to provide was her ability to work the remote. I was also amused by how much she would eat, she wasn't a large person, in fact she was rather petite. But whenever she cooked or anyone else cooked for that matter, she always ate half the pot.

I had had it at that point and entered the wonderful world of daycare at that point. This was a delightfully expensive exercise for a single mom and when dh and I got married it was one we didn't care to continue. I became a housewife/student and he worked. Once I graduated I was excited at the prospect of working, until the reality set in that I was not going to be there with my kids.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really like my job, I find it quite rewarding from a mental stimulation stand point, but while it affords me the benefit of being able to buy this farm, it deprives me the ability to be with my children. Well, I'll have to stick it out for now but as soon as we can afford to do more with the ranch full time we will.

My heart longs to be home, to cook and bake. The desire to do laundry and wash dishes, not there yet but it would be welcome. I enjoy working around our animals and sitting outside watching the children play. I love that my garden is growing, though I am clueless on how that process should have gone (I have gotten a few tips since and will be working on them when I do my winter planting). My dh is so much more at ease when he is home working that when he is at work.

Someday we will come home not have to go to any other work. Someday our children will reap the benefit of our ranch and make the decision to work it or not. Someday, hopefully soon :)

If you have any gardening tips or book recommendations, please share them, I am eager to learn more so that I can grow all that the farm requires to sustain itself. Thanks for coming by, hope to see you again soon. :)

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